Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
