$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
