But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
