TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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