U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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