there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i now understand why vodka
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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