I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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