I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
