ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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