Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
