That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
