We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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