I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
