i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
dude. I can hear the air.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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