Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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