we're chasing vodka with high fives
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
