And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
