she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
