Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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