we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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