I love black thongs
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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