Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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