Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
