Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
