Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I will pee on everything he values.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
