I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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