In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
