Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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