watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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