Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
