I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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