seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
