Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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