Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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