Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
