turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
