He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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