i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
