My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
