ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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