did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
