Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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