he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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