i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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