he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
