Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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