gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Green mimosas i think yes
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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