so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
