I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
