I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
