in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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