i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
