someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
