I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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