Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
