Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
