i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
