How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
