We're like a lot better than the average bears
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I FOUND THE LEGS
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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