craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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