they need to just BURY HIM!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
