I will die if light touches me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
