just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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