She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
