Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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