So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
even my farts smell like vagina
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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