I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
