ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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