chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
