I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize