You're my little dorito
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
