I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
