I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
