So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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